I love black thongs
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
