bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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