Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
