This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
