drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
