The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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