I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
