Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
