Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize