So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
