i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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