sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
