Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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