fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
