but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
