So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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