Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
