oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize