just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
