i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
