You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
