Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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