ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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