____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize