we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
