If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
