3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
