My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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