What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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