He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I had to cum in my sink.
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