I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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