wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
