This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
