the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
