I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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