Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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