She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
