so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Holy sore nipples Batman
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
