He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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