The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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