I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
