Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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