dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
