if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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