I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
