Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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