so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
