is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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