I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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