Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
