A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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