I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
