She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
