i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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