I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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