i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
