Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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