Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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