OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
