Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just invented taco cereal.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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