I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
