I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Randomize
