Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
