There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
whose ass print is on the piano?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
