Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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