it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
