True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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